This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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