yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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