The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
