Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
