Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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