he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
