Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize