Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
