Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
