So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
