You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
