this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize