I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
