Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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