if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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