I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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