Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
be right there i have to get my cape
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
