oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
