'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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