Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
