Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
