we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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