He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
