I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
