I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
