Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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