Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
