This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
