I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
