she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
