a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
