Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
