I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
