Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
