ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
