I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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