i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
