I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
