smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
