That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
