Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
