that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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