i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
