Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
