put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
