He told me they were just razor bumps!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
