I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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