piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My liver just broke up with me...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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