Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
