tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
