we have pet lesbian snakes
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
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