That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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