Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
