the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
