Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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