question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
