He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
