You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
