Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
