I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
