I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
