you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
