i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
