Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
