Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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