Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
