Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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