reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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