So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
