Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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