In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
