How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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