Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
